This is the twelfth part of A Story in Several Parts, by Matthew de Kersaint Giradeau, the previous parts can be further down the page. (The painting is by George Shaw and is taken from here;http://www.ikon-gallery.co.uk/online_shop/ikon_catalogues/artists_monographs/… )
Alex's mum arrives home and Alex is watching TV. She says hello and he replies. She goes to cook dinner and Alex suddenly feels sick. He hasn't eaten since breakfast and the idea of eating fish fingers, chips, frozen peas and frozen sweetcorn appears to him all at once. He can taste all of them and then he can taste the body. He moves slowly, deliberately, towards the downstairs toilet. He opens and shuts the door so his mum won't hear from the kitchen and then vomits. A column of liquid pushes its way out of his mouth. He feels like he is breathing out a solid mass. He runs out of air and chokes a little, breathing in gasps. He calms down, forces himself to slow down and feels better for the sick. He listens out for his mum, makes sure she didn't hear the sick, then flushes the toilet and goes back to watch TV.
When it is time for dinner Alex sits in silence and forces the food down his throat. He responds when his mum asks things, and then helps by drying the plates as she washes them. He goes upstairs and turns on the television in his room. He wants to turn out the light but then his mum will ask him if he is ok. He lays on his bed and looks at the wall.
Alex decides that he will go to bed, he can say that he doesn't feel well if his mum asks. He has a sudden urge to turn the light off. If he can turn the light off and go to bed then that is a new deal, a different deal. A deal with everyone to let everyone off the hook. He jumps out of bed, suddenly urgent, and goes to switch the light off and as he reaches towards the switch he hears the front door bell ring.
Alex freezes with his arm out. His lips go dry and he can't swallow. His breathing is shallow and he slowly moves his arm down to his side. He is standing and leaning slightly on to one foot, but he doesn't try and shift his weight. He just balances there. Alex's mum gets up from watching the downstairs television and goes to answer the door. Alex hears her open the door.
Alex's mum shouts up to Alex. Alex opens the bedroom door and walks as normally as he can downstairs. Alex tells his mum that he is going out, manages to do it without looking at her. She tells him not to be back too late and Alex nods silently. He turns to get his coat as she walks back into the living room and he says goodbye.
Lloyd grabs Alex by the neck as soon as he shuts his front door. “I got some fucking petrol we'll go and get it.” Alex lets Lloyd guide him along the road and after a while Lloyd's grip loosens. Lloyd laughs and punches Alex in the leg. Alex winces but tries to laugh along. Maybe that is all Lloyd needs from him, someone to laugh at all the punching he does. Lloyd turns to Alex, lowering his voice, “Down here, under the bridge.” They turn down the alley that runs next to the woods. It goes over a small wooden footbridge that is always covered in slippery mould in winter.
Alex and Lloyd walk over the bridge, then they swing round the end of the handrail and crouch down to duck underneath the wooden slats. It is almost dark and under the bridge it is darker. Lloyd scrabbles around and Alex can't really see what he is doing. Lloyd finds what he is looking for and brings two big Coke bottles out of the gloom. They are greasy and shiny and full of clear liquid. Lloyd pushes one into Alex's hand.
“I took it from my Dad's bike. He's not here to fucking use it anyway. My fucking uncle sometimes rides it. Comes round and fucking rides it around like it's fucking his.”
Alex rises back out from under the bridge and the air is different now. He breathes in but finds it hard to breathe out again. He stumbles a bit up the hill. Lloyd says, “Watch out” and laughs. Alex turns around and Lloyd has a cigarette in his mouth and is waving his lighter near Alex's coke bottle. Alex pulls the bottle away from the flame and tries to laugh.
They walk back across the bridge and turn into the woods. As soon as they enter, the light disappears, sucked out by the tree tops and the thorn bushes. Everything is blue and black. They trudge through, along the paths worn by the children from the estate. Brambles beaten out with sticks and then walked into dirt trails. The ground is damp and Alex's jeans brush against wet plants. Lloyd has taken the lead now and walks quite fast. Alex wants to hang back but he knows that he can't, so he slows down and speeds up, alternately trying to lose Lloyd and then catch him up. Lloyd stops suddenly and Alex slows down so that he isn't too close.
“We should go to mine first” says Lloyd. Alex doesn't understand. “We should fucking go to mine first. That's what we'll do”
Lloyd turns around and walks straight past Alex without looking at him. He churns his mouth and his eyes are blank. Alex turns around without questioning him and follows him back down the trail.
It is dark now. The minute or so that they were under the trees has allowed the darkness to creep over the sky. The street lights that buzz when you get close to them with your ear are orange. A few of them are flickering, chopping like badly tuned radios. Alex and Lloyd walk side by side. It is a still evening and no one is around. It feels quiet but if Alex listened hard enough he would be able to hear the bypass and the trains from the edge of town that surrounds the estate. You can always hear the bypass. The trains you can only hear at night. Alex can't hear them. He can only hear the clicking of Lloyd's jaw and the low gulp that the petrol in their coke bottles makes, glugging back and forth as they walk.
When they get to his house, Lloyd walks up to the door and lets himself in. The door isn't locked. Alex is surprised that the door doesn't lock itself, like his door does.
Lloyd leads them through the hall. His house smells of dirt and milk. Dirt like dirt from the garden. Tangy and alive. Lloyd can hear two televisions at the same time. One of them is loud with the bloated, distorted sound of prime time television. One of them is quieter but Alex can hear the rhythmic pulse of computer game music and the clicking of buttons on a controller.
Lloyd gestures that they should go upstairs. Alex hesitates. They are not going to say hello to Lloyd's mum who is in the front room because they have the petrol in the coke bottles. He understands. He follows Lloyd up the stairs. They creak and have no carpet on them. They have bare wood in the middle, and paint on the sides. Carpet used to run up the middle of the stairs but it doesn't any more. The house is a similar lay out to Alex's house. The same but different. Different garden, slightly different shape. Different windows, not double glazed. Different stairs, a painted white banister with a big gap that you could fall through if you tried. The same kitchen worktop. The same glass bits above the doors. The same heating system of hot air that judders around the house.
They go to the main bedroom. Alex knows it is the main bedroom because in his house this is where his mum and Dad's bedroom is. Lloyd gestures for Alex to wait outside. Lloyd goes into the room and while he waits, Alex can see that inside the room, it is dark. There is something in the bed. It is a man in the bed. Alex sees the man roll over and breathe loudly. It is not Lloyd's Dad. Alex knows now.
Alex sees Lloyd open his coke bottle and pour it carefully around the bed. Alex sees Lloyd walk backwards tipping the coke bottle on the floor. Alex moves backwards so that Lloyd doesn't bump into him as he walks across the landing and to the stairs, pouring the coke bottle as he goes. Alex gives Lloyd his coke bottle at the top of the stairs, when Lloyd's coke bottle runs out. Alex goes ahead of Lloyd down the stairs. They get down to the bottom and Lloyd gives Alex the half empty coke bottle and gestures for him to wait again. He goes to the kitchen and comes back with a pack of big matches. The packet is greasy. Alex can see it shining. Lloyd lights a match and hands the rest of the pack to Alex. Lloyd throws the match at the petrol on the stairs and it is as though Lloyd's hand is fire, because as soon as the match leaves his hand, the whole stairs are on fire. It doesn't look like a real fire, but like a fire at a theme park where you could probably wave your hand through it and it wouldn't hurt. But then Alex hears a crackle and feels the heat. His low level fear gives way to panic and Alex turns to run out of the house, Lloyd laughs and runs after him. They run as fast as they can. The only difference between them as they run is that Lloyd looks back and Alex doesn't.
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